Shotgun Marriage

Back in the old days, shotgun marriage is a term used to refer to marriage resulting from pregnancy. I don’t know how the term comes around but I can imagine. Probably the shotgun barrel are not what the guy see when they are humping their future bride - most likely that comes after the parent got wind of the pregnancy. In countries like Malaysia where guns are outlawed, perhaps the similar term would be “parang” marriage.

I remember a time when it’s a trend for older woman to wed younger guy. That was about the time when our former Miss Malaysia Arianna Teoh got married to our F1 rejects Alex Yoong. People looked at them in awe, people talked about how older women have more experiences when it comes to enjoying the bedroom times – and they decided to follow suit. Younger dudes date older women willingly – but what they don’t get is older women usually have different needs - like the urge to tie the knot ASAP – therefore they ended up in the wedding altar – rather unwillingly. In essence, this sort of marriage is very similar to shotgun marriage, perhaps the notable difference is the fact that usually it’s the older bride who is holding the shotgun.

What these young dudes didn’t get also was the fact that in Malaysia, you can get married as easy as tossing a coin, but when it comes to divorce, you will tossing yourself into deep shit. Maybe you can use the shotgun, but then – usually it’s the older wife who keeps the gun. What started off as a great bedroom experiences with older woman usually ends in tragedy. But hey, if celebrities like Arianna and Alex can’t even keep their marriages, who are we pheasants to keep ours?

People learnt their lesson, so now younger dudes no longer looks for older women – except for some cases where the older women transformed into cougars and are immensely wealthy. In these cases, the dudes would eventually become a trophy husband if the older women don’t get sick with them. But there was no forcing here. Instead of shotgun, these are gold plated marriage. Lavish lifestyle awaits – only for young dudes who have six pack.

For those who doesn’t have six packs, they would rather wait – because the trend now is where older guy married younger women – much much younger women. Trendsetters, as we know, are always some celebrities. So it doesn’t come as a big surprise when Amber Chia married an older men who is even married before with kids. Lee Sin Je did the same, earlier.
Older men with baggage (kids from former marriages) – used to be shunned – suddenly become hot cakes. They get their trophy wife and lives happily ever after – just like the fairy tales they read to their kids from former marriage. But we all know fairy tales are craps, don’t we?

With our social network getting more complicated by the day, so is our relationship. Many people decide to wait till their 30s before getting hitched. Perhaps they have learned their lesson from history. Marriage is never designed for people below 30, just like Iphone4 is never designed for people above 60.

People are more careful with marriage nowadays. They prefer to take it easy. Let’s hope shotgun marriage is a thing of the past – with people getting more thoughtful and conscientious. But wait a minute…just last week, I heard of a friend getting married. The thing is they had just been dating for barely 3 months. Then there’s this girl who we always admire from afar. She just got married, people say, after meeting the now-husband in a beach party 2 months ago. Recently also, this gorgeous HR lady who we always drool after – she just changed her relationship status to “in a relationship”. Surprisingly all these people have one similarity, they are in their 30s.

Perhaps shotgun marriage is not dead after all. It just evolves into another form. Careful or not, desperate people are still desperate people.

Calm Before (Storm)

Finally my internal transfer was finalized last week.

My former department took almost forever to come up with a release date for me. And finally when it was decided, my boss grudgingly sent me an FYI email on the date. Which was 2 days later. What a joke, some would have said. I prefer to call it – poetic justice.

So out of the crocodile’s gaping mouth and into a lion’s den? I can’t see the lion yet but once in a while I can hear lioness roar. And mind you, it’s one hungry roar. In order not to get eaten, I gotta move fast and furious. It’s either you get eaten, or you turn into a lion yourself and conquest the lioness.

Nevermind all those crappy analogies, what it literally means is I am moving from a team that develop SOC (small obscure chip) to a team that develop supercomputer. That’s not a bad deal now, is it?

How good the deal is remains to be seen, but next week I am heading to E&O for team outing lunch. Lobster, baby, lobster! And these few days, the workload is still very kind to me, thank you. I was supposed to get the all the required access, setup my environment and run a test or two to ensure my environment is properly set-up. Which I managed to complete in a couple of hours and spend the remaining time doing online stocks and facebooking. And yes, of course, I managed to spend a few minutes ranting a bit on my cob-web filled blog here. Perhaps I can spend some time to hunt for some hot lioness to conquest as well. How nice, right?

Some people would warn me, Beware! This could be the calm before the next storm. But if that is the case, more reason I should take it easy and enjoy it while it lasts. And at the same time - re-discover some of my mojo again.

Adopt and Modify

Some people likened our action to the act of abandoning a pregnant woman. But the truth is, we were never the parents in the first place. The parents were a bunch over-confident managers who doesn’t know shit about pregnancy – all they want is a baby. Us – we were more like the nurses and the surgeons in the hospital who help people deliver the baby.

Now like all responsible medical practitioner, we highlighted to the parents on the risk and what it takes to have a baby. A pregnant woman not only needs devoted care but also understanding – she needs someone to accompany her to breathing and maternity classes. She needs re-assurance all the time - and from time to time, she may even have outrageous cravings for some food. As a parent, you need to understand all that – it’s the process of giving birth. And then there are baby stuffs you need to buy, like diapers. You don’t want to wrap the baby up in newspaper I supposed – that would be inhumane.

The parents said to hell with all that. They just want a baby. Pain is unnecessary – you can always opt for the epidural. Never mind the side effect. Diapers and other baby stuffs – you can buy later. Deprioritize (Zbb) it for now – hahaha.

So they went ahead and have their intercourse. Throw every gene in and have fun. Mix and match. The parents were like a bunch of high school kids who just discovered sex. They want their kid to have everything – smart and strong – literally born with a six packs. Never mind the complexity, never mind whether our ward can handle that – just breed first and think about the consequences later. As a result, the first pregnancy met with some complications. The poor baby boy – whom they have even chosen a name – Newton, was sacrificed in a miscarriage.

Needless to say, we were sad. We told them our ward couldn’t handle such a complicated pregnancy but they just wouldn’t listen.
Miscarriage is not a big deal, the parents said. Let’s keep it simpler this time – let’s have a baby girl instead. We can call her Rose.
This time the parents decided to get some outside help. Let’s get some experts from elsewhere to help with the breeding process. This was a good justification for the parents to travel around – they can have intercourse with different people in different place.

This is a not a good idea, we told them. Mixed breeding is a very complicated process that we are not ready to handle. What if the baby comes out deformed? It would need intensive care. We would have to work days and nights to resuscitate it.

The parents chuckled. Let’s worry about that later. We want to have our intercourse first.

Time passed and period missed. A new baby was finally conceived. But wait, what is this news about some of the nurses and surgeons leaving? Will we have enough headcounts to deliver baby Rose?

The parents laughed their evil Big Bad Wolf laugh. Nothing to worry about, we can always hire new nurse and surgeon. Never mind their skill or experience. Just get them in first.

A fellow surgeon once commented: Sheep are escaping through the broken fences. Instead of fixing the fences, these jokers decide to bring in more sheep. So more sheep escaped. Why not they fixed the fence first before bringing in more sheep?

And that was exactly what happened. The time came when the hole in the fence was gaping right in front of us. All we can see is the greener pastures outside the fence. If we don’t make the leap now, when will we ever get the chance again?

So we packed our bag and left. The parents were infuriated. They threatened us with lawsuit. They branded us as deserter – traitors. They tried their best to make our life miserable.

But we persevered. Short term pain is better than long term pain. We really do not want to stay and deliver a deformed baby. That would be heartbreaking. We want to go somewhere where we can deliver a healthy baby. A baby we can be proud of. We want to learn from those good parents because who knows – one day we might be parents ourselves.

So the parents – with the fear of abortion troubling them – sit around the table to discuss on the next course of action.

Perhaps we can adopt, one of them said.

Yes, another voice was heard. We can modify the kid to be ours.

Adopt and modify, what a good idea – another echoed the agreement.

They began to see the light.

My Weekend

Drag and pull
Myself through the empty but hectic weekend
Stressful yet dull
Errands await me on my erratic weekend

Wish there’s a door
That I could open and just escape
Into a world I once knew
Where you can chill out the night before
Followed by a soothing hot cup of tea the next morning
Where you can let your guard down
With accompanying bossa nova music to cheer you up

Now there’s just commitment
And shopping list
With a dysfunctional relationship on my shoulder
Not to mention family obligation on my back
It ain’t light
This load I have to carry

The occasional glimpse of joy
Scented with innocent laughter
Thanks to the kids
My hope my life my novocaine
Like a window where you can open
To see a bright world filled with colors and sunshine
But the window is not a door you can step through
And it’s something you need to wipe the dust off constantly
To be able to see the scenery outside

Perhaps it’s just a phase we all need to go through
Perhaps happiness is just beyond the corner
Perhaps there’s an answer to all these despair
Perhaps by doing all the good things, you can hope for a good return

Miserable
Quietly praying for the bleak weekends to be over
Looking forward to the gloomy workdays
Which shines in comparison to the pale weekend
Filled with hangover and dread
Looking forward to another Monday
with traffic jams and bad coffee
But at least
I can see her
My hope my life my novocaine