Eat Durian for Charity! Sound like fun, right?
But in this world ruled by Murphy’s Law, whatever sounds like fun would always end up in a disastrous stunt.
When I heard about the charity event organized by this Children Wish Society, I was thrilled. Eat-all-you-can durian fest – and you only have to donate only 10 bucks. What’s more – you are doing a charity, dude!
Obviously though, none of my colleagues around me is interested in charity or durian. Too heaty, some said. Those same buggers never said too heaty when I introduce some hot chicks to them. Two-faced idiots! Anyway, in the end, I managed to get one of the nicer colleagues to go with me.
Since the event was supposed to start at 11am, we met around 11:30 and arrived at venue (Subang Parade’s LG compound) around 11:45.
I don’t smell any durian, my companion said when we approached the crowd. This does smell fishy.
And she was right, as always. We were told the durians haven’t arrived yet. Please come back in 12:30, one of the volunteers told us.
What? My companion uttered in a semi-curse tone. Apparently, she had only eaten only some cookies for breakfast and was saving her stomach for this event.
Cursing our luck (and the organizer - silently), we were forced to walk around aimlessly in Subang Parade for another 45 minutes. I tried to go to this optical store famous for its cheap contact lenses – located next to Toys’R’us but found that the store had been replaced by a furniture shop. My companion ended up buying a short pant she needed but didn’t really like in a sports chainstore.
Come 12:30 we proceeded to the venue again, my companion and my stomach both complaining along the way. There, we registered and was given a receipt for our donation – which says Received by Durian Fest.
This time the unmistakable durian smell was in the air. But to our agony, smell is the only thing we could do, as the organizer had invited a few VIPs to the stage to say a few words to commemorate the event – before letting us feed on the durians.
Up on the stage, the Subang Jaya assembly woman Hannah Yeoh was called to give a speech. This was actually the 1st time I saw her, whom I was told was a former-classmate of one of my colleagues and married to an Indian dude. Chicks who are willing to go interracial always strike my fancy, so I listen to what she had to say.
You know why you are here? She opened her speech in a confident well-rehearsed tone. You are here to do charity. You know who this charity is for? It is for Children Wish Society. You know what this society is doing?
Her way of talking was definitely interesting. It always starts with a question and it answered itself. Interesting but annoying. Like a few aspiring bloggers there who keep on taking pictures with their cameras. I found myself trying my best to avoid being photographed by these amateurs – I don’t want to end up on their blogs with their watermark stamped on my stupid face.
YB Hannah was followed by YB Roziah, no idea who she is. This YB Roziah also has a special way to make her speech interesting; she would always start her sentences with: “The bottom line is…”
Half an hour passed and we still couldn’t get our hands on the durians. On the stage, the VIPs are having a durian eating contest, the one where they couldn’t eat with their hands. You can compete with the VIPs in another session later if you donate another 10 bucks.
When the feeding times finally started at around 1:10pm, people broke towards the durian hordes. Like a herds of hungry animals, they pushed and shuffled their way through. The king of fruits was grabbed greedily – despite its thorny surface. There were supposed to be a group of volunteers who helps people crack open their durian, but there were like only 3 or 4 of them and 3 or 4 hundreds of us.
I ended up with 2 unopened durians on my hands. My companion and I found a quiet corner and sat there to figure out how to open the durian. She managed to get some rambutans and mangosteens along the way, so we ate those 1st.
I tried to use my house key on the durian shell, but didn’t get anywhere. Luckily a friendly uncle brought some wood opener; (he must a pro to bring along those) and he helped us with it. I went to get another durian when we finished ours and at the 1:45, the family besides us announced that all the durians were gone.
Imagine. Totally wiped out in around half an hour. And this charity even were supposed to run till 7pm.
The quality of the durians was nothing to shout around. We couldn’t finish ours so we handed it to the family with hungry kids beside us. Some of the durians are not even ripe yet, the mother from the family beside us said. The rambutans also were not really fresh, some of the flesh were watery when I peeled the skin away.
Let’s find somewhere to wash our hands and mouths, I suggested to my companion, who were more than willing to comply. On our way to my car, she said next time we should have just gone to SS2 to eat durians.
I nodded. At least it’s for charity, we know we had done something good today, she added – perhaps as a way to soothe our disappointment.
Me – I don’t know which is more disappointing – the durians or the lack of goodness I feel even after I donated 10 bucks for charity.
