The Resemblance

她总是说得太多，有意义的又太少，让我总有种淹没在她制造出的话语泥淖中的感觉。即使是日常生活中的一点点琐事，她也必须剖开来谨慎处理；和她说话，我必须谨慎挑选使用的字眼，因为一些对我而言毫无恶意的话语，却会让她和我彻夜争辩，逼我澄清使用这些字眼的动机。我总觉得，她永远都陷在焦虑的情绪中，担忧那些她觉得自己没做好的事，而她所采取的应对方法就是不断分析它，直到有一天这事在她生命中已不再存有任何意义为止。

到后来，在我拒绝参与这种对话后，她开始留字条给我。起初还很正常，像“请买奶粉回来”或“Day care fees due tomorrow. Pls put the money in the envelope by tonite”之类的，但随着时间过去，这些字条变得越来越复杂，而且敌意也渐渐增加。

有天我很晚回家，一回家便发现一张字条，上面写道：“我已经告诉过你好几次了，出门上班前一定要把早餐的盘子放进洗碗机里，但是我今天回家又看到你的咖啡杯还留在餐桌上。我以为我能指望你，以为你会好好倾听我所说的话，用细心和尊重的态度对待我的要求，但我想是我看错人了。我们的确需要好好谈谈，越快越好。”最后这四个字她特别强调，在下面用力画了两条线。

我得承认，那时我的心情并不太好。我立刻抓起笔，在这张字条上写下“F**k You！我受够你妈的这些字条了”，然后贴在冰箱上好让她一早就能看见。隔天，虽然在最后一刻她还想拦住我跟我说话，我却头也不回地离开了那个地方。

*****

He spoke so much while saying so little - I sometimes felt as if I were drowning in the mud of his words. Even the smallest details or our work had to broken down and processed; speaking to him – I had to choose my words carefully, because I knew any of them, as innocuous as they may seemed to me, might result in me having daylong conversation with him in explaining my motives behind those words. It seemed to me that he is anxious all the time, nervous he might not please the higher boss, and the only way he can be in control is to analyze every piece of information until there is no essence left in them at all.

Sometimes later, after I’d begun to refuse to engage her in these discussions, he began leaving me email. Just the usual stuffs at first – “Please check your assigned tasks and feedback accordingly” or “Your tasks are due tomorrow. Please ensure the acceptance criteria are completed by today”- but as time passed, more emails began to come in – and they became more confusing and increasingly hostile.

One day I came to work to find this email in my inbox that said: “I’ve asked you several times to task out your assignments in the system before the new sprint starts, and yet I’ve log in to the system last night to find this not done. I guess I’ve been wrong in assuming that I can expect you to listen to me when I voice my needs, and to take on your responsibilities with sensitivity and respect to mine. We need to talk about this ASAP.” The last word was highlighted in Bold and underlined twice.

I had to admit – I wasn’t in my best mood at the time. I immediately replied with the following: “F**k you! I’m sick of your f**king emails!” The next day – although he tried to engage me in one last conversation, I walked out without a single word.

*****

It is eerily odd to realize that there are some ppl in your personal life that resemble some ppl in your line of work~~~