When it comes to friendship, I consider myself a very lousy friend. Just like recently I did not even attend any farewell for a colleague (and a friend) who was leaving the company. I guess I could always give the excuse that I was not invited as I do not belong to any of her lunch gang, department gang or outing buddies. Despite the fact that I was actually informed that a group from my office was organizing a farewell for her. I didn’t join because I was having my weekly DOTA session with another bunch of buddies.
I guess if I were really a good friend, I would make the effort to join her farewell, ditching my DOTA buddies in the process. But I just got news about this farewell at last minute, and I was not even in the email loop. And never a thick-skinned person by nature, I decided to just skip it and play DOTA.
This friend of mine – we were friends really by accident. She was the ex of one of our DOTA buddies and after they broke-up, I kind of asked her out for lunch – with other colleagues of course, not just the 2 of us. The funny thing was, during that lunch – we sort of like ran into her ex’s lunch gang. We were in the same elevator – so you could imagine the awkwardness of the situation – I was as quiet as a stone.
Apart from that, we did spend a swell time in karaoke once – she had a great voice and could carry a tune like a professional singer – and other than that we also went for dinner once – where we talked about our aspirations and choices in life.
Well, people come and people go. That’s what I like to say, as if somehow to cover up my own indolence at going to the extra length for friends and relatives alike. Even when sometimes when I feel concerned over some friends in trouble, I hardly take the initiative to look them up and offer my help or express my concern. Perhaps it is because I usually feel a tinge of uneasiness whenever friends express concern over me – up to the point where one friend accused me of not allowing people to care about me.
“I don’t know, Sean,” she articulated. “You don’t allow people to be your friends, to care about you. A lot of people actually care about you, but you just push them away.”
“I am just an insignificant friend to you all – why would you care?”
“GRRR…You are not insignificant!!! I really feel like kicking your butt.”
Another example that I am not good when it comes to friendship.
By nature, guys friend basically don’t like to talk about their problem. Whenever they encounter some difficulties in their life, usually they will try to work it out by themselves, and if stressed out, they would prefer a drinking buddy instead of a talking buddy. Girls are different. They are constantly complaining no matter how trivial their problem is. They don’t really expect you to give them advice or solutions to their problems – they just like to talk about it. They just want a listener.
By understanding these very common sense concepts about guys and gals, I could sometimes make a very good friend – if I choose to do so. I am easy with people and I am a good listener when you buy me lunch or dinner or a round of drink (preferably a round of drink). I guess that’s the reason why sometimes old friend would call me out of the blue and start talking about their problem. I don’t judge people because I think there is no right or wrong – as long as you don’t betray your own conscience. And I seldom ask for explanation if let say people told me they had just done something horrible or inexcusable, purely because if you really understand someone – your friend – he/she don’t really have to explain. Only those who don’t understand you would keep asking you for explanation – and they don’t even believe what you said anyway – so why bother to explain yourself so much?
There’s one time I ran into an old friend from high school in Gurney Plaza when I was going out with this very gorgeous girl. We were very well dressed up because we planned to go to Slippery Senorita afterward. So this friend of mine – clad in dirty T-shirts and a worn-out pair of pants – came running out of nowhere and asked me to lend him money.
“Someone is chasing me, Sean. Could I like borrow like RM10 for transportation?”
Some people would just ignore this pathetic guy – he is actually a son of a teacher who became a rotten egg because of the influence of our high school buddies (I studied in a notorious high school infested with gangsters and very well known for gang fights between the teachers and the students) – and who would believe his lame excuses of being chased? And plus in front of a gorgeous high class girl beside me, the correct thing to do is to claim that I do not know this guy and shooed him away, right?
But I didn’t do the right thing. I took him aside and pushed RM20 inside his palm. “Take care dude,” I said to the guy who was as stunned as the girl who went out with me. Maybe I kesian the guy a bit. Or maybe I could never turn down a friend who ask me for help.
Either way, that guy cost me the chance to go out with the girl again. She said my taste in friends was disgusting and kept on pestering me to explain why I gave that loser money. “You give them money, next time they would come to you again,” she retorted angrily. “And I am supposed to feel secure with guys like that running out of nowhere asking you for money?”
I guessed I could explain and soothe her if I wanted – I could be really a sweet talker sometimes. But then again, to quote myself back: Only those who don’t understand you would keep asking you for explanation – and they don’t even believe what you said anyway – so why bother to explain yourself so much?
So now you know – I don’t only sucks at friendship, I also sucks when it comes to dating.
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