Me and My Lazy Butt

I was born under the Zodiac Sign of a Snake, so by nature, I am already a lazy person. I hardly makes any difference in this world full of nothing, so I figure, why goes to all the trouble? Relax is my motto.

People heckle me all the time about my laziness. My mum lectured me non-stop when I was a kid – imploring me to do my homework and stop listening to the lazy Cocteau Twins songs. Friends scolded me for not playing harder when it comes to football. Run faster, will you, they said. You just missed a sitter. And all I ever said was Relax, brader, while they all shook their head.

I could not understand why people have to rush all over the trivial matters of life. People in Japan charged like crazy when the train arrived, even though they know the next one will come by in another 2 minutes. You see them dressed up in suit and high heels but in the train platform they ran as if they were some ancient tribes being chased by dinosaurs. That’s one of the reasons why I decided to return to my home sweet homeland Malaysia, where you could still see people walked to the tune of the lenggang lenggang kangkung.

But society in Malaysia is also slowly changing. Young people want to live their life to the fullest. Every seconds count. If your current boyfriend/girlfriend bored you in anyway, just ditch them and hook up with a new one. Why waste time trying to adapt and treasure the one beside you? There’s always another significant gems waiting in friendster or facebook. You just have to “poke” them.

Old people also do not want to be left out. Nowadays they wake up in the wee hours of the morning and bombarded the park with their Tai Chi music, and some even do aerobic. When night comes they attend all those direct sales seminars where you pay RM1 to go in and they give you these freebies to entice you to listen to their crappy talk and buy their even crappier products.

There’s no longer any place for a lazy bum like me.

If life is a photo album, browsing through mine you would only find a lot of snapshots of disappointment – thanks to my laziness.

Snapshot 1:

“I am breaking up with you, Sean,” my ex said. “You’re just wasting your talent. If you could just be a little more dedicated in submitting your stories, you would be a very popular writer by now.”

“Relax, honey…there is no publications worthy of the stuffs I write at the time.”

“Why can’t you at least try? You are just so bloody lazy all the time. The only time I could think of when you are not lazy is when we are on the bed.”

“Then we should stay on the bed more often.”

“No more, Sean…no more.”

Snapshot 2:

My lab partner in college: Sean, where’s the lab report you are supposed to type out?

Me: Lab report? It isn’t due till tomorrow right?

The Long-winded Dude: Sean, how many times do I have to remind you? It’s due today!

Me: Relax, relax, I will type it now. Still got 1 hour before our lab session, right?

The Annoying Dude: Why do you have to wait till last minute every time? Always relax, relax – the only time when I don’t see you relax is when you play ChoDaiDi. Why can’t you be more serious in study?

Me: I didn’t copy down any notes for that lab experiment la. Can I borrow yours?

The Angry Dude: #@&$* Sometimes I am really amazed how you could still keep up your 2nd upper grades. You are so $%#@!!!

As I continued to turn the pages, I became more and more disoriented. I have lost the woman I love because of my laziness. My dream of becoming a writer is withering away. And friends despised me because of my sluggish attitude. If I continue to live my life this way, I think I would become a very depressed lazy bum.

I used to think that to be able to take things easy is a virtue, but in the current intense world we live in, this virtue no longer applies.

According to the Chinese Zodiac system, the most compatible animal sign for a snake is a rooster. I figure maybe it’s because rooster are good at waking people up - and a snake like me definitely needs a wake up call from time to time. Then there is also a well-known fact that Ayam Brand’s Chicken Essence is a good tonic to drive someone up – so for a lazy snake like me, it’s a necessity. Can’t be merely a coincidence, right? The question is, where’s my rooster?